Which is why it's probably a very good thing I don't have one

I learned a new term yesterday morning: plantation shutters.

Maybe the rest of you knew this already. They're inside shutters, and they're what Nick has on the windows. They do a great job of keeping out noise and light, and you can turn the slats to let in or keep out just the right amount of light. They're nice.

Anyway, yesterday Nick was opening the slats to let light in, and I suggested that he stick his penis between them. You know, just so it could peer out into the day.

Hello, sunshine!

He looked at me like I had a head injury.

"C'mon! If I had a penis, I totally would."

"You'd stick your penis through the shutter slats?"

"Absolutely!"

"Why?"

"Just out of curiosity. In fact, if I had a penis, I'm sure I'd be tempted to see if it fit in a lot of random places. I'd probably constantly be sticking it in things."

You know I would. In fact, I'd probably clamp something on it. Because I am kind of compulsive like that.

"In fact, I think I'm going to blog about this."

He looked a little pained, and walked into the kitchen.

A few minutes later he returned and said, "You know, I am going to stop suggesting blog topics for you. Because I suggest perfectly funny topics. And what you want to write about is where you'd stick your penis if you had one."

"Yes."

"I'd ask you to reconsider. People are going to think there's something very wrong with you."

So now you know: It's Friday, and there's something very wrong with me.